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Would you hire this man?
by Unknown
A certain church found itself suddenly
without a pastor, and a search committee
was formed. In due course it received a
letter from a man applying for the vacant
position. The committee chairman read:
"I am considered to be a good preacher, and
I have been a leader in most of the places I
have served. I have also done some writing
on the side.
"I am over 50 years old, and while my health
is not the best, I still manage to get enough
work done to please any parish.
"As for references, I am somewhat
handicapped. I have never preached
anywhere for more than three years. And
most of the churches I have preached in
have been small, even though they were
located in rather large cities. I had to leave
some places because my ministry caused
riots and disturbances. Even where I stayed,
I did not get along too well with other
religious leaders, which may influence the
kind of references these places will supply. I
have also been threatened and physically
attacked. I have even gone to jail several
times for my preaching.
"I am not particularly good at keeping
records. I have to admit I don't even
remember all those whom I've baptized.
However, if you can use me, I should be
pleased to be considered. I feel sure I can
bring vitality to your church."
When the chairman finished reading the
letter, the committee members were aghast.
How could anyone think that a church like
theirs would consider a man who was nothing
but a trouble making, absentminded,
ex-jailbird? What was his name? "Well,"
said the chairman, "the letter is signed Paul."
by Unknown
A certain church found itself suddenly
without a pastor, and a search committee
was formed. In due course it received a
letter from a man applying for the vacant
position. The committee chairman read:
"I am considered to be a good preacher, and
I have been a leader in most of the places I
have served. I have also done some writing
on the side.
"I am over 50 years old, and while my health
is not the best, I still manage to get enough
work done to please any parish.
"As for references, I am somewhat
handicapped. I have never preached
anywhere for more than three years. And
most of the churches I have preached in
have been small, even though they were
located in rather large cities. I had to leave
some places because my ministry caused
riots and disturbances. Even where I stayed,
I did not get along too well with other
religious leaders, which may influence the
kind of references these places will supply. I
have also been threatened and physically
attacked. I have even gone to jail several
times for my preaching.
"I am not particularly good at keeping
records. I have to admit I don't even
remember all those whom I've baptized.
However, if you can use me, I should be
pleased to be considered. I feel sure I can
bring vitality to your church."
When the chairman finished reading the
letter, the committee members were aghast.
How could anyone think that a church like
theirs would consider a man who was nothing
but a trouble making, absentminded,
ex-jailbird? What was his name? "Well,"
said the chairman, "the letter is signed Paul."
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Contact The Lighter Side
The Lighter Side
| AG GENERAL COUNCIL ASSEMBLIES OF GOD USA http://ag.org |
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The Pastor's Friend
(by Unknown)
"This church is dead,"
said Brother Frown.
"It's true," said Gossip
"It's sure going down."
"The Pastor's to blame,"
Sister Pick-Fault cried.
"I'm gonna quit,"
Brother Gad-About 'lowed,
"and go where there's a
much bigger crowd."
Sister Selfish too,
was sure she could see,
"Not a soul in this
church 'preciates me."
Said Brother Grumble,
"I don't see why,
the Sunday School's dead
and the meetin's dry."
But good Brother Faithful
sat in his place,
The sunlight of heaven
abeaming on his face.
The good saint worshipped
in prayer and song
And to him there wasn't
a single thing wrong.
(by Unknown)
"This church is dead,"
said Brother Frown.
"It's true," said Gossip
"It's sure going down."
"The Pastor's to blame,"
Sister Pick-Fault cried.
"I'm gonna quit,"
Brother Gad-About 'lowed,
"and go where there's a
much bigger crowd."
Sister Selfish too,
was sure she could see,
"Not a soul in this
church 'preciates me."
Said Brother Grumble,
"I don't see why,
the Sunday School's dead
and the meetin's dry."
But good Brother Faithful
sat in his place,
The sunlight of heaven
abeaming on his face.
The good saint worshipped
in prayer and song
And to him there wasn't
a single thing wrong.
| Christian Clip Art courtesy of http://gospelgifs.com Other Clip Art and Animations courtesy of www.fg-a.com |
| MORBUS SABBATICUS (Sunday Disease) (by Unknown) Morbus Sabbaticus is a disease peculiar to church membership. The symptoms vary, but it never interferes with the appetite. No physician is ever called. It always proves fatal to the soul in the end. The attack comes on suddenly every Sunday; no symptoms on felt on Saturday night; and the patient awakes as usual, feeling fine, and eats a hearty breakfast. About nine o'clock the attack comes on and lasts until around noon. In the afternoon the patient is improved, and is able to take a ride and read the Sunday papers. The patient eats a hearty supper, but the attack soon comes on again, and lasts through the evening. The patient is able to work on Monday as usual. |
In thee, O Lord, do I put my trust: let me
never be put to confusion.
Ps. 71:1 KJV
never be put to confusion.
Ps. 71:1 KJV
| Joke for the Day by Author Unknown Ten signs that you may not be reading your Bible often enough: 10 The preacher announces the sermon is from Genesis . . . and you check the table of contents. 9 You think Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob may have had a few hit songs during the 60's. 8 You open to the Gospel of Luke and a one dollar note falls out. 7 Your favorite Old Testament patriarch is Hercules. 6 A small family of silverfish has taken up residence in your Bible. 5 You become frustrated because Charlton Heston isn't listed in either the concordance or the table of contents. 4 Catching the kids reading the Son of Solomon, you demand: "Who gave you this stuff?" 3 You think the Minor Prophets worked in the quarries. 2 You keep falling for it every time when your minister tells you to turn to First Condomininiums. And the number one sign you may not be reading your Bible enough: 1 The kids keep asking too many questions about your usual bedtime story: "Jonah the Shepherd Boy and His Ark of Many Colors." |
My Special Thanks
(by Unknown)
For fruits of harvest, fields of grain
And blessings of the sun and rain.
For colored splendor and season's grace,
For rugged strength in an old man's face.
Freedom for which our fathers fought,
And all the wonders God has wrought.
For beauty of a white moonlight
And stars to guide a man by night.
For the right to choose which course to take,
And a chance to mend the mistakes I make.
For rest at night that knows no fear,
For eyes to see and ears to hear.
For rowing plants and fragrant flowers,
For fellowship of worship hours.
For every day's new joy of living ---
My special thanks on this Thanksgiving!
(by Unknown)
For fruits of harvest, fields of grain
And blessings of the sun and rain.
For colored splendor and season's grace,
For rugged strength in an old man's face.
Freedom for which our fathers fought,
And all the wonders God has wrought.
For beauty of a white moonlight
And stars to guide a man by night.
For the right to choose which course to take,
And a chance to mend the mistakes I make.
For rest at night that knows no fear,
For eyes to see and ears to hear.
For rowing plants and fragrant flowers,
For fellowship of worship hours.
For every day's new joy of living ---
My special thanks on this Thanksgiving!
Out of Control
by Unknown, From LEADERSHIP
You know technology has taken
over when:
1. You have a list of 15 phone
numbers to reach your family of
three.
2. You call your son's beeper to
let him know it's time to at. He
emails you back from his
bedroom, "What's for dinner?"
3. Your daughter sells Girl Scout
cookies via her Website.
4. You chat several times a day
with a stranger from South Africa,
but you haven't spoken with your
next door neighbor yet this year.
5. Your grandmother clogs up
your email inbox asking you to
send her a JPEG file of your
newborn so she can create a
screensaver.
6. Your reason for not staying in
touch with family is they do not
have email addresses.
7. You consider second-day air
delivery painfully slow.
8. You hear most of your jokes
via email instead of in person.
9. You're reading this.
10. Even worse, you're going to
forward it to someone else
by Unknown, From LEADERSHIP
You know technology has taken
over when:
1. You have a list of 15 phone
numbers to reach your family of
three.
2. You call your son's beeper to
let him know it's time to at. He
emails you back from his
bedroom, "What's for dinner?"
3. Your daughter sells Girl Scout
cookies via her Website.
4. You chat several times a day
with a stranger from South Africa,
but you haven't spoken with your
next door neighbor yet this year.
5. Your grandmother clogs up
your email inbox asking you to
send her a JPEG file of your
newborn so she can create a
screensaver.
6. Your reason for not staying in
touch with family is they do not
have email addresses.
7. You consider second-day air
delivery painfully slow.
8. You hear most of your jokes
via email instead of in person.
9. You're reading this.
10. Even worse, you're going to
forward it to someone else
| PrimeLine newsletter for seniors is available at no cost by request from Senior Adult Ministries Assemblies of God 1445 N. Boonville Ave. Springfield, MO 65802-1894 The following excerpt is from the PrimeLine newsletter: MERRY MEDICINE |
Morning Prayer:
Dear Lord,
So far today, God, I've done
all right.
I haven't gossiped; haven't
lost my temper; haven't
been greedy, grumpy, nasty,
selfish, or overindulgent.
I'm really glad about that.
But in a few minutes, God,
I'm going to get out of bed;
and from then on, I'm
probably going to need a lot
more help.
Amen,
Ralph
Dear Lord,
So far today, God, I've done
all right.
I haven't gossiped; haven't
lost my temper; haven't
been greedy, grumpy, nasty,
selfish, or overindulgent.
I'm really glad about that.
But in a few minutes, God,
I'm going to get out of bed;
and from then on, I'm
probably going to need a lot
more help.
Amen,
Ralph
| KING JAMES VERSION AUDIO BIBLE www.biblegateway.com |
A LITTLE FELLOW
FOLLOWS ME!
(Author Unknown)
A careful man I want to be
For a little fellow follows me.
I do not Dare to go astray
For fear he'll go the self-same way!
I can't escape his watching eyes;
What 'ere he see ME do -- he tries;
Like ME, he says he's going to be,
The little chap that follows me!
He thinks that I am good and fine;
Believes in EVERY WORD of mine!
The worst in me he cannot see,
The little chap that follows me!
I must remember as I go
Through summer sun and winter
snow,
I'm building for the years to be
The little chap who follows me!
FOLLOWS ME!
(Author Unknown)
A careful man I want to be
For a little fellow follows me.
I do not Dare to go astray
For fear he'll go the self-same way!
I can't escape his watching eyes;
What 'ere he see ME do -- he tries;
Like ME, he says he's going to be,
The little chap that follows me!
He thinks that I am good and fine;
Believes in EVERY WORD of mine!
The worst in me he cannot see,
The little chap that follows me!
I must remember as I go
Through summer sun and winter
snow,
I'm building for the years to be
The little chap who follows me!
| Update February 2, 2010 |